Sunday, Day 40

The girls continue to do quite well. I held Natalie for the second time yesterday. She did wonderfully well. I was able to hold her for nearly an hour and a half and it was great.

Today they had great reports.

Natalie:
Around 11am this morning, Natalie was taken off the CPAP and put on a nasal canula. It's the same little prong-things you usually see people with oxygen have in their noses. It's definitely a step-up. She's loving it too - she really hated the CPAP mask. She was only on 23% O2 earlier so she's handling it well. She is still receiving small amounts of feeds. She isn't peeing as well as she should, but they given her extra fluids and laxis which will hopefully help. They are trying to avoid the dopamine again.

Natalie was so cute tonight. And she's so strong. She was moving her head around and at one point actually turned her head from check to the other! She was mostly sleeping tonight and looked quite content.

Abby:
Ben spent about 45 minutes holding Abby tonight. Just before, at about 9pm, they also put her on the nasal canula. Unfortunately they didn't tape it down very well, so we had some adjustment issues while Ben was holding her. She still did very well considering it kept falling out of her nose! Her feeds continue to increase. Kimberly says she's going to change her nickname from "bubbles" to "chubby":-)


Today is Day 40 of our NICU saga. The number 40 has a number of religious connotations for Christians. The flood lasted 40 days and 40 nights. Moses and the children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days and then appeared after his resurrection for 40 days. Therefore, it seemed appropriate to reflect on these first 40 days.


It's such a cliche, but it's true. I can't believe it's already been almost 6 weeks. It just doesn't seem possible. At the same time, being in the hospital and giving birth seem so far away (possibly because I have healed SO well and quickly). But time is funny like that. It goes by in an instant and yet so slowly at the same time.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was determined to keep a journal. I dutifully recorded how I felt just after finding out. Ben even wrote an entry after I told him. Somehow between work and school, the journal thing didn't quite happen. Fast forward to May 8, just days after finding out the girls were in trouble. I began keeping up with everything that was happening. I'm so glad I did. Looking back on everything we went through is meaningful - especially as each day's events flow jumbling into the next, and there are things I never want to forget. Keeping this blog as been wonderful - as much for me as for all of those wanting to keep up with the girls.

The first week of the NICU was a blur. We had to learn the rules - which seemed to change at times. Gloves vs no gloves? Two visitors at a time vs two for each baby? Birth and coming home seemed somewhat anti-climatic. I wasn't supposed to have babies yet. We were doing this all wrong. What were we supposed to do? How were we supposed to feel? What would happen to our babies? The girls did so well the first week. I was sure our babies were going to be the miracle babies that were perfectly healthy and strong and would go home early. I think I was feeling a little smug.

In week two, reality hit. They became really, really sick. I didn't know at the time, how sick, but after the fact I realized the doctors were at their wits' end and there wasn't much left they could do to make them better if what they had tried had not worked. I think now sometimes at how close we came at losing Natalie and Abigail and I'm so grateful they pulled through.

It seems, though, that we've spent the last 3 weeks catching back up from their illnesses. They went backwards with their breathing, feeds, and oxygen levels. Now, finally, they seem to be making up for lost ground and getting stronger and stronger every day.

They told us the NICU would be a roller coaster ride. Nothing could be more true. There are days I'm certain they will be perfectly healthy and everything will be okay,. Other days, I worry about their developmental health - both physical and intellectual. One never imagines oneself to be the parent of a special needs child, especially not two of them. I always looked at those parents in awe and with deep respect - certain I could never handle it. Life is funny though, or perhaps ironic is the better word. Of course, there is always the chance our girls will be perfectly fine, and that still remains our prayer, but I try to remember that God is good and all will be as it should be and we will handle whatever comes our way.

I certainly couldn't reflect on the past 40 days without reflecting on the incredible support we have had from our family, friends, church family, and even perfect strangers. People in numerous states, a dozen Christian denominations, Jews, Muslims, Hindu's and others have been praying for us. Our families have been incredible. Every weekend my father and step-mother drive 6 hours to see the babies for an hour, spend the night, see the babies another hour and drive another 6 hours back. Family members and church friends have brought food - almost more than we could eat! Other friends and family have visited, called, or sent cards or emails. We've even received cards from people we don't even now - like church members from my aunt's mother's church! These are just a few examples of how amazing people have been.

When we look at our beautiful little girls, we are so thankful and so blessed. We just love them so much and we can't imagine life without them. Life is always an adventure and ours has only just begun.