Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dear God, Thank you for my babies

I've been doing a lot of blog reading lately. any of the moms from the preemie forum have blogs, and on their blogs they have links to other blogs for other preemies. So, I've been reading.

What I've discovered is that we are undeniably, undeservingly blessed beyond measure. I've read through stories where one twin or even two of triplets dies. I've read stories of multiple surgeries, ROP issues, feeding tubes, and oxygen tanks. I've read stories of Cerebral Palsy, handicaps, and milestones that may never be reached.

And, then I think about Natalie and Abigail. They were so small. In fact, Natalie, at 1lb 5oz, is among the smallest of many of the children I read about. Sometimes even babies born at an earlier gestation are bigger. One pound, five ounces is really small. Not that Abby's 1 lb, 13.5 oz is huge. Both were so, so small. But, neither have had any surgeries. That, in itself, is amazing. They are just so perfect. They are standing and almost walking, babbling, playing with toys, chasing the cat, and crawling on mommy and daddy and each other. They are perfect.

I make a big deal of their eating issues sometimes. It is a big deal, in a way. We do worry and want to make sure they are getting enough calories to grow and meet their nutritional needs, but the truth is, in comparison, they are amazing eaters. They aren't big bottle feeders, but they are incredible with their solids. Natalie and Abigail love to eat - and they will eat anything. They try anything we offer them and also beg for anything we are eating. When I read about many of the other children with eating issues, they are eating maybe, three bites of yogurt all day.

We are so blessed. The truth is, I have always wondered how we would have done with children with special needs. My fear is that I would have been a miserable failure. Could I have handled it? What would we have done? What would our life have been like? In my selfishness, I am glad we don't know. It's selfishness for me, but also for Natalie and Abigail. I want so much for them. I want everything for them. I want them to experience all the world has to offer. I want to take them to explore the world and learn of all its diversity, beauty and wonder.

Once again, I wonder why we have been so lucky when others have not. We have so much joy in our lives. Natalie and Abby are so wonderful. I love them so very much. Ever day I am grateful for them and so aware that it could be so different. I know I've espoused this sentiment before, but I really do think about it every day.

Dear God, Thank you for my babies and how incredibly perfect they are. Thank you for entrusting me with these precious souls. Never let me forget how close we came to losing them, and never let me take them for granted. Thank you, God. Thank you so, so much.

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