There is nothing worse than having to hurt your own child for their own good. Tonight I had to tube both girls for the first time in 10 days. It was awful. They both just cried and cried and gagged and gagged. They used to just cry at the time, then settle right down and go to sleep. Now that they are bigger, I think they are more aware of the tube and their discomfort and it was horrible. They cried and fussed for the longest time. They struggled to get comfortable in their bed and both looked just pathetic arching their little backs and throwing back their heads. Poor little Abby gets terribly congested with the tube in. You can hear her breathing as if she head a bad cold. They both finally settled down and we got the feeds hooked up and started.
It just breaks my heart to put them through it. As I listened to them cry, I also struggled to understand how anyone could willfully hurt a child without a medical reason. How can a person listen to the cries and wails of a child, especially an infant, while he or she is hitting or harming that child? It's just inconceivable to me. At the same time, as I listened to my little babies cry, I was strangely grateful. However much I hate, and however much they hate it, putting in a nose tube is fairly benign. There are far worse things that I could have to do, and that they could have to endure, if they were not so healthy. I think often about some of the other babies we saw in the NICU and we know our girls are so incredibly blessed and fortunate. They are really very healthy and things could be so much worse. Even as I shed tears at the sound of their cries, I give thanks that their tears will be short-lived and, as Ben reminded me, this too shall pass.
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